Every day, in cigar shops everywhere, customers are asking for cigars like Opus X, Padron, and the new square-pressed Habana2000 Montecristos, only to be told one of the following: “We’re out of stock,” “I can only sell you two cigars,” or “Put your name on this list and, as soon as we get a shipment, we’ll call you.” Can someone out there clue me in as to what’s going on?

Here are the facts. Maybe you can figure it out, because it’s a mystery to me.

At this very moment, half the cigar makers in the world are out of work. Trailers of excess filler tobacco remain unsold, and tobacco prices are steadily dropping to levels not seen in almost a decade. In the Dominican Republic, where over 100 manufacturers have closed their doors in the last two years, the government has actually placed restrictions on the production of new tobacco crops. In Nicaragua and Honduras, where all but a very few top-flight factories have gone out of business, unemployment is a staggering 55 percent. Non-traditional outlets for handmade cigars, such as liquor and convenience stores, are abandoning cigars en masse. Last year, according to the Cigar Association of America, 109 tobacco shops closed their doors in California alone. So, if there’s more tobacco than you can shake a stick at, more workers than you can possibly use, and fewer places selling the finished product, then why do you have to make a reservation to buy an Opus X or a Monte? Something just ain’t kosher.

Let’s stop for a minute and put this whole shortage nonsense in perspective. Think about this: At this very moment, while you’re sitting back with a cigar and the new issue of SMOKE, there’s a small group of highly trained botanists trudging their way through the most remote regions of the Amazon River basin in Paraguay. They’re searching for a minuscule fungus that is essential to the production of a life-saving serum. This fungus only grows on the tip of the wing of a teensy weensy bug that adheres itself to an endangered species of tropical bird, which feeds upon a certain larva that is only found on the underside of a leaf that grows on a rare species of tree. To make things even more difficult for the botanists, this rare tropical bird never roosts in a tree for more than 30 seconds and, in case I forgot to mention it previously, this rare species of tree only grows in stagnant lagoons containing high concentrations of reptile excrement.

Ponder this: If there are so few skilled botanists, so few reptile-infested lagoons that can support this rare rain forest hardwood, so few rare tropical birds, and such a minuscule amount of fungi found on the wing tips of a near microscopic bug that makes its home on a bird that flies from tree to tree every 30 seconds, then how come there’s no shortage of this life-saving serum, but we can’t find a Montecristo or an Opus X? Doesn’t it seem logical that these cigars should be stacked to the rafters in every remaining tobacco shop? I’ve got a real sneaky feeling that the supply of certain cigars is controlled more by cigar marketing people than cigar making people. Well, I can’t waste any more of my allotted space talking about cigars that no one seems to be able to find, so let me tell you about some new and exciting products.

Consolidated’s La Romana factory in the Dominican Republic has been the busiest of all the major players recently. There’s Bock y Ca, a re-launch of a fine old Cuban brand. This square-pressed beauty features the Habana2000 wrapper, and a filler blend with a lot more oomph. Launching this spring is the Menendez y Garcia, a new medium-bodied Dominican that is uniquely packaged in cradles, so that every cigar retains its perfectly round shape.

There are also three new full-bodied Montecristos, made with power-packed Peruvian Ligero tobaccos, that’ll knock your socks off. These new Monte’s are square-pressed and wrapped in mouth-watering, deep-brown Colorado wrappers. Consolidated’s neatest project, however, is an entire series of economically priced Menendez y Garcia sampler boxes that contain up to 10 different brands per box. The Robusto Sampler, for instance, contains the new Menendez y Garcia robusto, plus robustos from Montecristo, H. Upmann, H. Upmann Chairman’s Reserve, Bock, Flamenco, Henry Clay, Playboy, and others. For the life of me, I cannot fathom why cigar manufacturers everywhere have not created sampler packages of this nature before.

Not to be outdone, Villazon - maker of Hoyo de Monterrey, Rey del Mundo, and Punch - is preparing to launch La Escepcion, another old-time Cuban brand that was formerly made in the Jose Gener factory, of pre-Castro Cuba. This new, limited-production Honduran cigar, made under the supervision of Estello Padron and Manuel ZaVala, features the silky smooth Ecuador Sumatra wrappers normally seen on the Fuente and Cuba Aliados brands. Release date is set for late spring or early summer.

Speaking of Fuente, there’s the new Ashton VSG, a gorgeous cigar that was introduced in the late summer of 1999, but is yet to reach cigar shops in large quantity. Always sticklers for quality, the Fuentes have moved very cautiously with this new product and, so far, every VSG I have smoked has been superb.

From Flor de Copan, Consolidated’s Honduran plant, comes a new line of La Coronas featuring both chocolate-brown Ecuador Connecticut and jet-black Connecticut broadleaf wrappers, at a price that will grab the consumer’s attention.

Finally, there are two unique developments from Jamaica. There’s a new brand from Jamaica Tobacco Company that is a total departure from the traditionally light-bodied cigars coming from this island. Called Alvarez Lopez, it’s a cigar with enough body and character to disguise its country of origin to even the most veteran smokers. Also noteworthy is the total re-positioning of Temple Hall, the island’s oldest brand in continuous production. This creamy, light-bodied old-timer, presented in the best possible package to promote the continued aging of a premium cigar (solid cabinets of aromatic cedar), has been reduced from the super-premium price range to a level that is much more affordable.

All in all, 2000 will be a banner year for cigar smokers. Look for an immense variety of new and interesting products, sane retail pricing, and greater availability of your favorite stogies at cigar stores everywhere.

- Lew Rothman