LONG: I was a primate. I mean, we're talking Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.

[TERRY BRADSHAW FINALLY PICKS UP THE PHONE.]

BRADSHAW: All right, good being with y'all.

SMOKE: do you guys smoke cigars?

BRADSHAW: Cubans.

SMOKE: Where do you get them?

BRADSHAW: These Cuban cigars? I got them through Howie's agent.

LONG: You did not.

BRADSHAW: Yes, I did. Howie, he got them for me. He does all the illegal tobacco trading throughout the United States.

COLLINSWORTH: The nice thing for me is that I don't have to waste any of those brand new, good-looking cigars, 'cause Terry just blows smoke all over the set, so you can just inhale at any time. [LAUGHTER]

BRADSHAW: I tell you, it's good to have Cris on board, but I'm going to miss Ronnie [Lott, former Fox analyst] 'cause Ronnie was always good for a good box of Cubans.

When he played wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals, Cris Collinsworth was both quick and able to take a good hit. Collinsworth ranks first on the Bengals' all-time reception list, with 417 catches. He played with the team in its two Super Bowls. Since he retired from football in 1989, he has been assigned to cover many sports for several TV networks, including tennis, track and field, and college football.

BROWN: Cris, you obviously know what that is, right?

COLLINSWORTH: A plea for a box of Cubans, right?

BROWN: A good box of Cubans. First week on the set, he expects it.

COLLINSWORTH: I ain't buying the boy squat.

SMOKE: Howie, who's a better actor? You or Terry?

LONG: Oh, I've seen Terry [act]. When I was back in the fourth grade.

BRADSHAW: I'm a singer, I'm not an actor.

LONG: Hey, have you ever heard him sing?

SMOKE: I don't think so.

LONG: He can sing.

BRADSHAW: I'm going into the studio in six weeks and do a Christmas album, Howie. Just got the final okay yesterday.

LONG: Cool.

BRADSHAW: So I'm just one more year on the set and then I'm back out on tour. I've had enough of this shit.

BROWN: Howie, what'd he tell us last year?

LONG: Yeah, one more year, that's it. Last year was his last year. I tried to get him to sign a document. [LAUGHTER]

SMOKE: Who would you guys like to see replace Terry if he were to ever leave the show?

BRADSHAW: What? I'm irreplaceable. Tell him, J.B. Jump up here, Cris. Cris?

COLLINSWORTH: I'm thinking we might be able go out to his barn and find a replacement.

Howie Long, 38, was one of the great defensive ends in NFL history, playing his entire 13 year-career with the Oakland and Los Angeles Raiders and helping the team to its 1984 Super Bowl win. Intense and fast, Long was named to eight Pro Bowl teams. Since he retired five years ago, Long has done a variety of TV work, including HBO's Inside the NFL and NBC's NFL Live. and acted in Broken Arrow and Firestorm.

SMOKE: Howie, if you were commissioner of the NFL, what would you do to improve the game?

LONG: I think the quarterback has become too isolated. I don't think you can necessarily ask a defensive lineman to avoid injuring a quarterback. You know, Reggie White doesn't come with ABS brakes.

BRADSHAW: I like Reggie White.

LONG: I know you do. You guys think alike.

BROWN: They're gonna be on the presidential ticket together, right?

COLLINSWORTH: There are three unprotected positions in the National Football League. The kicker can't protect himself. The quarterback can't protect himself. And wide receivers. The first two, it's a penalty if you do anything to those people. Wide receivers, you can flip them, you can do anything you want to those guys in the air.

LONG: Oh, so what you want is, when you go up for one of those pretty passes, you want [a defensive back] to just lay you down gently?

COLLINSWORTH: No, but I do think that the day will come when somebody breaks his neck in the National Football League, from getting intentionally flipped. You have a choice whether or not you flip a guy. When the guy gets flipped over on his head and he breaks his neck, there'll be a rule change in the NFL that you can't intentionally flip somebody.

BRADSHAW: You know what, we're basically talking about a violent sport, and I'm really getting pissed. I'm really getting upset about all this. I think I just may not even show up this year.

LONG: Why don't you? Why don't you give everything up and join Richard Gere over in wherever. I could see you being one of them [Buddhist monks].

BRADSHAW: Oh, yeah, I can chant. [HE CHANTS.]